As a dialed-in, progress-oriented person, it can be easy to take life too seriously. The dilemma I have found is that people fall victim to one of two categories: the over-indulgers and the tight-asses. The over-indulgers are often overweight, addicted to substances, lazy, and generally slacking. The tight asses, on the other hand, are strained, strict, stressed, and simply stale. It can be challenging to create balance between pleasure-seeking and discipline. Indulging in satisfying activities has the ability to constitute short-term bliss; while discipline can lead to long-term achievements. I believe you cannot experience the full scope of what life has to offer without dabbling in both arenas. However, the mentalities necessary to obtain each of these positives are highly contradictory.

The American writer E.B. White sums this up well: “If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. That makes it hard to plan the day.”

Often we are taught to feel guilty for spending time on frivolous activities. Conversely, I have concluded that simple pleasures hold more value in our lives than we tend to grant. My most treasured memories were spent cuddled up watching films, riding a bike along tangling trails, sharing carefully-crafted meals, head-banging in the passenger seat, even trying on all the clothes in my favorite fashion boutique. Recently, I have decided to prioritize pleasure, rather than to demonize it.

The fact of the matter is, if you are going to do anything, it should be done well. Let me give you a simple example: breakfast omelets. If you are going to prepare an omelet for breakfast, make it like your grandmother would make it. Why? Because a meal is not just about sustenance. It can equally be about evoking emotion through one’s eyes, nose, and taste buds. It can be about spending time enjoying the process rather than rushing to the finish line. This means taking a trip to the local market to buy crisp vegetables and fresh eggs from farmers that live down the road. This means pouring a glass of bubbly Prosecco and sipping on it as you prepare your mise en place. This means taking the time to understand each ingredient individually as you apply heat and seasoning to them. Take into consideration who will be eating the food and how you want it to make them feel when they place that first morsel onto their tongue.

This decelerated, focused mentality can be applied to all aspects of life. Today I take drawn out bubble baths with lit candles and a good book, in place of hasty showers. I enjoy a specialty drink to symbolize each segment of the passing day: an energizing espresso with the rising of the sun, a soothing cup of tea at my desk in the office, Arnold Palmers at the restaurant when I need a rapid cool off, some refreshing San Pellegrino to wash down dinner, and a glass of dry pinot noir for winding down at the end of the night. When I attend concerts, I dance like nobody else in the room is observing my unique bump and grind. Driving has become an occasion to roll down the windows, turn up the music, and experience the flow of traffic as each occupied vehicle hurries along to its next destination.

Most importantly, I have quit holding back my emotions. I cry when I m sad, or overjoyed; I speak my mind when I am upset; when I love, I love hard and deep; and I am honest about my feelings and intentions because honesty is the fastest way to getting what you truly desire.

Of course keep in mind the words of Seneca, “Enjoy present pleasures in such a way not to injure future ones.” But ultimately, give yourself permission to live a beautiful life. Do things intentionally and with great focus. In a world where we crave distraction and efficiency, we neglect to simply experience our own lives. This is a mistake.

Thank you Mom, Dad, Nana, and Sam for these lessons. You’ve changed me for the better.