When I was young, on Sunday evenings, my parents guided me into the Catholic church where I would read along to scriptures that might as well have been in Latin, eat flavorless crackers given to me by a man in a dress, and shake the grimy hands of strangers. Over the years, I grew to dislike all these sacraments and seriously reconsider what the objective of all of the woo woo was. My family eventually gave up on joining the congregation every week and began celebrating Christmas on the basis of gift giving and receiving, not Christ. At some point I considered myself an atheist, but today, after everything I have experienced, I could not do myself the disservice of choosing a label with such a closed-minded title. I have grown to understand the power of forgiveness, prayer, and unconditional love.

There are people I declared to hate in my life. One of my ex-boyfriends would post hateful messages on his Facebook timeline about me. My fellow cheerleaders would often shove me around and torment me for our stunt group’s failures. A girl, who did not approve of who I was dating, publicly wished terrible fortunes on me. I could not understand why she wanted me to endure painful experiences because I was only ever kind to her in return. This made me furious and confused. I would have previously said, “I hate her.” Today, I feel much differently on the matter. I am gradually learning about the connection between my body, my mind, the universe, and God.

As the Beatles say, “I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together.” My interpretation of this lyric is: in order to experience true love and bliss, I must unconditionally love all creations of God because we are individually influenced by the collective energy of all beings. This does not mean I have to allow negative people into my life, but it does demand that, in their absence, I will send all my love to them through prayer. I have learned to absolutely, wholeheartedly cherish the people who have caused me suffering. I love them the way I love my sister. I love them the way I adore the rosy clouds when the sun descends into the horizon. I love them the same way I love myself. We are all one unified organism. We, as in the universe and everything it encompasses. Joeli is simply a construct of my brain; the ego, generated for the purpose of survival.

When I am buried in the earth, upon the day of my death, my energy will flow into the continuation of infinite life. Therefore, if I send wicked energy to another individual, then I send evil to myself because I am everything. I am God. Alan Watts describes it beautifully, “I seem, like everything else, to be a center, a sort of vortex, at which the whole energy of the universe realizes itself.. Each one of us, not only human beings but every leaf, every weed, exists in the way it does, only because everything else around it does. The individual and the universe are inseparable.”

I remember a moment in time where I was sitting beneath the cascading rays of the sun. My back pockets were planted in the dewy grass and I had my hands behind me holding my body upright against gravity. I looked down at my right hand, fixed gently against the Earth. All of a sudden I could feel a pulse of boiling blood, pumping from the molten core of the planet, up through the soil and into the veins of my wrist, spreading warmth throughout my body. At this moment, I was reminded of my harmony with the planet and the universe. You do not need to choose a religion, or follow unexplainable, heinous practices. There is no need to give thousands of dollars to a money obsessed cult, or church as they call it. It is inessential, some might even say naïve, to believe there is a man in the sky looking down and telling you everything is going to be perfect. God is you, and you are God.

When you ask Him for help, you spark hope in your soul that will lead you to the answers you seek. When you thank God for nutrient dense food, clean water for thirst quenching, and lovely people to share your journey with everyday, the realization of how fortunate it is to be alive and have this divine experience transcends over you, thus improving your quality of life. Your prayers will be answered because when you believe in God, you believe in yourself and others. Whether it is a chosen religious practice, meditation, or just taking a few minutes to pray before bed, God will listen, as long as you are sincere. In the Hindu sacred treaties titled Upanishads, it explains, “People follow different paths, straight or crooked, according to their temperament, depending on which they consider best, or most appropriate—and all reach You, just as rivers enter the ocean.”

Today I said a prayer for the first time since I was a child. I had to say goodbye to someone today that I loved like they were my family. I do not know if this goodbye is permanent, or temporary, but our paths in life were causing pain for one another. After announcing my forgiveness to this person, I closed my eyes, intertwined my fingers, and prayed, honestly. I wished for them to receive all the love and happiness they could uncover. I wished for them to find meaningful, lasting relationships and to experience true ecstasy. Then after this, I requested that each of my enemies would find peace and love in their lives. I visualized my old foes smiling, embracing people who made them feel cherished.

I prayed for my loved ones and myself, of course. I used to be embarrassed by the thought of praying without a designated religion. How stupid and meaningless of an act. Nobody is listening to your whining. But it is not true because I am listening. A friend told me the other day to just do it. Never mind what people think of you. If it offers you solace, it is worth doing. So here I am praying to nobody, or maybe everybody, or possibly God himself. I may not fully understand spirituality. I have a long, arduous journey ahead toward fully appreciating the infinite authority of love. Nonetheless, I believe that if we take the time and energy to forgive each other for our shortcomings, become sympathetic to one another’s challenges, and extend unconditional love to all participants of the universe, whether or not we allow them physically into our lives, that we can make our existence more meaningful and fulfilling for ourselves and others. Godspeed everyone.