Risk /risk/ verb - incur the chance of unfortunate consequences by engaging in (an action). (Oxford English Dictionary)

What is a life without risk? There are a handful of events, or experiences that we indisputably fear across the board. According to Karl Albrecht Ph.D. these include fears of extinction, mutilation, loss of autonomy, separation, and ego-death. However, maintaining a position of safety, shielding us entirely from these frightening outcomes, would be doing ourselves a major disservice. We must take on risk to gain reward.

So what is my imminent gamble you ask? I am moving to a land far, far away. Well... Kansas City, a four-hour road trip from mom and pop’s abode. In my life I have bounced from one residence to the next; therefore, this form of transition is rather familiar. However, this time the lack of familial accompaniment may prove to be a bit of an emotional challenge, primarily playing on the separation field of fear. I hold a couple of motivations for moving: for one, a new experience of discomfort in search of growth and for two, to live in the same city as my boyfriend Sam. Let me expound upon these intentions.

Brene Brown once said, “I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few.” Relocating to a new state is frankly daunting because it puts me in a position of vulnerability. In my past experiences, I confronted a plethora of challenges. I often struggled to kindle friendships, or fit into the altered culture (remarkably different from Florida to Illinois). Some nights I’d lie awake, eyelids repelling one another like the southern ends of two magnets, pleading to uncover a sense of belonging in my unfamiliar bedroom.

These things will gnaw at your self-assurance. This time around, my fears can be detected in the same areas along with a few additional. One, is the fear of my job being incapable of supporting my living expenses and lifestyle. Two, is the fear of spending bouts of time alone when Sam is busy with his endeavors. Three, is being crippled by sadness as a result of distance away from my family I have never encountered before long term. This is just scratching the surface of my qualms. Notions such as these may pop in to say “hello!” from time to time; nevertheless, I find my thoughts leaning more toward the optimist’s perspective. I often contemplate who I will grow to become when independence is thrust upon me.

Many influential leaders preach acquiring the skill to find comfort in uncomfortable situations: like preserving a sense of calm while your lungs burn for more oxygen during a prolonged run, or discovering warmth as frigid, dagger-like droplets pierce your skin in a cold shower. There will indeed be an uncomfortable adjustment period to my new life and through this I hope to flourish. Moving to Kansas City offers me the possibility of improving my social intelligence, becoming a more independent adult, pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, and fulfilling my dream of living in a city in my twenties. I am wildly enthusiastic and I cannot wait for the start of August.

I may have never considered moving to the city of fountains had I not crossed paths with my darling boyfriend. This is without a doubt the largest leap of faith I have ever endeavored in the name of love, but honestly, is there any greater reason? We have been in a long distance relationship for nearly a year. As adventurous and beautiful as our experience with long distance has been, traveling together, extravagant dates, letters sent via mail, it is absolutely time to abridge the gap. Sam is my best friend. Sam makes me a better person. He believes in every crazy idea I dream up and pools his ideas with mine to attain my vision. I see our lives meshing together harmoniously.

Though this may very well be the biggest risk of my adult life up to this point, it is one worth taking in my eyes. Romantic relationships offer you a partner to share each day with wholly and honestly. They make you stronger through entwining and balancing your strengths and weaknesses. They expand your social circle through combined friendships. I am grateful to have found someone who suits me so well and I am willing to accept a fair bit of risk to obtain the benefits our relationship has to offer us both.

In closing, I would greatly appreciate it if you could take a moment to say a prayer for me in my next chapter. The butterflies have fluttered in and out of my abdomen in the last few months of knowing my plans. I am feeling excited, eager, and nervous. I think the thing I am going to miss the most about home is waking up to my little nephew’s toothless smile every morning. I’ll miss sharing my daily mission to “not be a failure” with my mom and sister over scrambled eggs and coffee. I’ll miss quarreling with my dad and brother about various topics at the dinner table. I’ll miss heated debates between cubicles at the office. I’ll miss that tiny, little town called Edwardsville where I grew up.