“Honesty is the first chapter of the book wisdom” -Thomas Jefferson

Why do people lie? Simply put, lying is easier than telling the truth because the truth has immediate consequences. Dishonesty offers a sense of control because you have the power to script your own narrative. The truth can be cruel to those we love; consequently, we lie, or omit, in order to shield them from such discomforts. It is even possible to hurt yourself with the truth; so you contrive a comforting falsity. Coming from a short-term perspective, lying can disguise itself as a virtuous act. I would like to present the opposing case.

Over the course of my life, I have concluded that most people are dishonest. Even on occasion, I find myself vomiting a little white lie. It’s funny, when you are young, adults advise that honesty is the best policy. Nevertheless, over the years, it seems that policy becomes Santa Claus, once cherished, now deemed a myth. I remember being a devoted truth-teller as a young girl because I was fearful of the white lie ghost haunting me, as I learned it would in my elementary music class. Once high school rolled around, however, I discovered that lying proposed a plethora of perks. I obtained the freedom to go anywhere and do anything I wanted without permission; and I could protect my family with innocent, fabricated stories.

After a few years of living in the land of inaccuracy, my relationship with my family began to spiral in a downward fashion. At the same time, I noticed all the people I felt closest to were consistently and antagonistically disappointing me. Every one of my friends had managed to pain me with their falsehoods. How could I even be angry at them when I was spewing out lies left and right to the people I loved back home? The sample group of individuals I was observing were friends I had attracted through poor behavior. I began to believe that all people were incapable of honesty. This became very disheartening because if I could never wholly trust someone, how could I ever put myself in the vulnerable position necessary to truly love someone?

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that I can no longer believe you.” - Friedrich Nietzche

This is when I decided to try to tell the truth all the time to myself and others, kind of like a science experiment. At least if I could prove to myself that I could be one hundred percent honest, then that would mean other people were also capable of it. First, I had to define what “the truth” is. This was a difficult question to answer on my own. I turned to Clinical Psychologist Jordan Peterson for his expert opinion. Peterson often describes the truth as “what you believe to be true.” He also stipulates that, “when you have something to say, silence is a lie.” I appreciate this condition because lying by omission is often overlooked, or used for justification. Now that I was living by this policy, I could make it a standard for the people I allowed in my life without being a hypocrite.

What I did not expect so rapidly after this lifestyle adjustment was the massive improvement in my quality of life. As I began being brutally honest, I watched the people and circumstances that were chipping away at my spirit one-by-one fall out of my plane of being. Initially, this was painful because I lost people in my life I thought I loved. What filled their slots, however, were healthier friendships, an enriched relationship with my family, and a boyfriend I feel I can put my faith into. I even love myself more today because I can trust my own thoughts not to deceive me, and my morals align with the person I believe I am.

It was incredibly disorienting to translate all the elaborate fables in my mind back into nonfiction. Friedrich Nietzche argues that, “the strength of a person’s spirit would then be measured by how much ‘truth’ he could tolerate, or more precisely, to what extent he need to have it diluted, disguised, sweetened, muted, falsified.” This applies to the truth you allow yourself to endure inwardly. I had a rationalization for every negative action I performed. When I acknowledged that my decisions were not in my best interest, I felt compelled to change the circumstances. Allowing yourself to take the route of dishonesty will likely persuade you to stay in toxic situations for the sake of comfort. Conversely, if honesty is your only option, not only will you be dealing with reality, but the decisions you make in the first place will certainly be wiser because you feel a higher sense of responsibility for them.

“Above all, don’t lie to yourself. The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love.” -Fyodor Dostoevsky

I did not know exactly what I wanted out of life, or why I was consistently disappointed with people. The truth set me on a direct path to my paradise because I was no longer clouded with my own fairytales. I will admit, I do not fully understand how to use or misuse honesty. Is there a situation where a lie is the moral option? Is there a time where lying is necessary? Which truths are not yours to tell? I have at least concluded that I would rather be the person who might say the wrong thing, but is worthy of trust, than the person who always says the right thing, but you can’t put faith into. I believe in the benevolence of truth.

“Life is suffering. Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated. Truth is the handmaiden of love. Dialogue is the pathway to truth. Humility is recognition of personal insufficiency and the willingness to learn. To learn is to die voluntarily and be born again, in great ways and small. So speech must be untrammeled. So that dialogue can take place. So that we can all humbly learn. So that truth can serve love. So that suffering can be ameliorated, So that we can all stumble forward to the kingdom of heaven. “ -Jordan Peterson