Every year of my life I’ve acquired a handful of new lessons. Over time, you change your ideas, or forget the guidelines you used to live by. I want to keep a record of these ideas in the moment to look back on, so I can learn from my younger self. This is twenty-one of the most significant lessons I can recall learning up to this point.

1. You are an average of the people you surround yourself with. Be mindful of your friends’ outlook on life, ability to make progress, and their character. If they don’t predominantly align with the type of person you want to be, find a new friend. There are those who drain the energy and joy from your soul and there are those who elevate and motivate you. You can play around with people who exhaust you, or you can live a momentous life with people who propel you forward. Make a firm choice because you can’t have both.

2. Honesty really is the best policy. At least, as Jordan Peterson would advise, don’t say things you do not believe to be true. It is better to live in reality rather than a self-propagated delusion. Lies always come at a cost, even the seemingly insignificant ones. Not only that, but why would you want to live in a world where you cannot put your faith into anyone? If you can live an honest life personally, there is some evidence it is possible from others.

3. Don’t gossip. People will associate negative comments with you as the unkind words pour from your lips. Correspondingly, others will assume if you talk behind one person’s back, you are privately speaking ill of them too.

4. Drinking alcohol in public (and in general) makes you vulnerable to mistreatment. Be sure to have someone around you can trust with your life when participating in substantial alcohol consumption.

5. Do not forget that humans are social creatures. We cannot live without the touch, the love, and sense of belonging offered by others. Independence is important, but do not deny your desire to love and to connect. It doesn’t make you weak; it makes you stronger when you interlace your life with other powerful people. That’s what you call a network. Build one and then shamelessly love the crap out of those people.

6. If they lie to others, they are lying to you too. People are generally consistent across the board. Correspondingly, dishonest people lie to themselves as well as others and find it difficult to distinguish truth from reality. Therefore, they may not even be fully capable of sharing correct information. Don’t be fooled into believing that you are the one getting their unadulterated story. You’re not. I have found that most people tend to not be wholeheartedly honest. Search tirelessly for those who are because those are the people that hold what is necessary to truly love you.

7. In the game of dominance, the first person to break eye contact loses. Additionally, eye contact is essential for connection. See where you stand in your ability to gaze into people’s eyes. It is often surprising to realize you’ve been speaking with your friend’s left shoulder for the last few years.

8. You will not get what you do not ask for. Make your desires known.

9. Try not to complain about being at work. You are just lowering everyone else’s morale, including your own.

10. Dress-up before you leave the house. This means a quality outfit, with matching colors, and wrinkle free! Not sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and definitely NOT FLIP-FLOPS (unless your headed to the beach). Here’s why. Nice clothes make you feel confident. Every day is a special occasion. Being well-dressed puts you in a position of power, when everyone else in the room is outfitted poorly. You never know if you are going to bump into your new best friend, your future boss, or your current one, possibly even the love of your life. Consider button-downs over t-shirts, they don’t take much longer to put on.

11. Good people do exist! And they are fun, interesting, and easily lovable. Don’t rule out the respectable people from a fear of boredom. Often times these types of people can make a plan, stick to it, and carry on an intelligent conversation. It may take a little longer to find them, but the alternative is a waste of your time.

12. Always over-prepare, then go with the flow. Nothing ever goes according to plan and that’s a good thing; however, a well-thought-out blueprint will increase the likelihood of an enjoyable time.

13. Life is frequently stressful, often uncomfortable, sometimes even painful for stretches of time. These are normal emotions. Nothing is wrong with you. Before considering what the problem with you is chemically, consider what could outwardly be causing you distress and create a plan to change the situation. Always try exercise, consistent sleep, and a daily routine before medication.

14. Romance is not cheesy. It is pleasurable, it feels wonderful, and it brings you closer to your significant other. If they make fun of your love notes, rather than writing back, they are not the one. If you put more effort than them into the relationship, they are not the one. And as a little side note, if they don’t think you are beautiful without makeup on, they are absolutely not the one.

15. Owning fewer high quality items always beats possessing a plethora of cheap belongings. Bargain items will not last and they will lose their luster after the first few uses. That age-old real leather jacket will only appreciate in value, in your eyes, as the years award it more character. Try to own only things that, as Marie Kondo would say, “spark joy.” If it doesn’t, donate it, sell it, or gift it to the nearest dumpster. This will allow for a tidier living space, which as a consequence, will clear the clutter in your mind. As a side tip: if that item you “might need one day” is replaceable for less than twenty dollars, toss it. Twenty dollars is worth your mental clarity in my book.

16. There is great value in tradition. People have been trial and erring for thousands of years. We have created practices that work with our biology and our societies’ ambitions that are tried and true. Not that some evils have not arisen from timeworn conducts. But consider that we have great lessons to learn from our predecessors and try not to write them off as unimportant just because they aren’t progressive and modern. There is beauty in the traditions our previous generations left behind for us to share.

17. Writing is an easy way to come to terms with your most complex emotions. Write out what happened that elicited your emotional response; specify how it made you feel; outline how you wish it made you feel; your worst case scenario, your best case scenario, and how you plan to move forward from this point. Then burn it; or at least keep your private notes private.

18. Promiscuity will almost never lead to achieving long term commitment in relationships. Consider what you are specifically looking for in your romantic life and set clear boundaries. Then don’t break them. Ever. For anyone.

19. With just a bit more thought, effort, and focus, you can outperform most people. Get competitive in your life and try to be the best worker, the best friend, the best partner, the best daughter you can be. It’s mainly about being better than you were yesterday, but its also about surpassing other people to get to the top and reap the benefits.

20. That sinking feeling you get as a young adult, fearing what you will do with the rest of your life, it goes away. The best thing you can do in the meantime is pick something you like and a long term goal associated with it; then create a step by step plan to achieve said goal. When you learn, from experience, that is not exactly what you want to do anymore, adjust the plan. Working toward something you are unsure of is healthier than working toward nothing and wallowing in self-pity. I chose this blog and travel.

Since the start of blog, I have gained so much insight into myself and the impact I want to leave in my life. I have created new friendships. I have even had people tell me my writing inspired them, or brought about great emotion. Since beginning to travel, I’ve grown closer to my friends I explore the world with, or sometimes recognized the people I was not compatible with. I have developed the ability to find comfort in long car rides. Overall, I am a much happier person now that I have clearly set objectives. My only advice is try not to get yourself into loads of debt, or buy expensive new equipment for anything you take a stab at until you have given it some time to see if you enjoy the lower level learning in that chosen field.

21. Love is the reason.